im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
