The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
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