Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
