I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
