WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
