I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
