Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
