EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
