Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
