just tell him i said nine months
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
