I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Randomize
