college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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