Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
