"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
