Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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