Old men and throwing up are my life now.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
