Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
