At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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