My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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