You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
