Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
