Your mouth is God's brothel.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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