Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
