No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
