....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
