The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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