Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
