I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Randomize
