Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
