o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
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