He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I think I just sharted jello shots
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
