I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
