That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
