The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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