i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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