So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
