And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
