everyone is single if you try hard enough
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
