What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
You work out of a Hotel?
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
