Just took my morning after pill in the library
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
