I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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