Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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