Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Pants are for mortals
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
