i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
