He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
