So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
