i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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