I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
