I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
