DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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