Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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