i think i have two assholes
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Randomize
